Friday, June 26, 2009

The Wisdom of Teacher Lee

I'm taking 15 hours of Chinese class a week. Teacher Lee is one of my three teachers. Here are some of the more interesting morsels Teacher Lee has imparted.

1. Drinking anything cold is bad. Ever. It just shouldn't be done.

2. It's also bad to eat too much lychee, because lychee is a "hot" food, and if you eat too many you'll get a bloody nose.

3. Eating watermelon after 3 p.m. - also a bad idea.

4. If you be sure to be asleep between 10 p.m. and 2 a.m. every night - then you'll only need four hours of sleep. Teacher Lee only sleeps 5 on average.

5. That way you can get up very early and walk around Chiang Kai-Shek Memorial Hall hitting yourself in the arms, legs and torso. This prevents cancer and other maladies.

6. Night clubs - places where girls take off their clothes.

7. Karaoke joints - places where people smoke, drink, and throw up.

8. Chronic marijuana smokers will develop Parkinson's-like symptoms.

9. There are a lot of gay men in Beijing. But it's not their fault: Because of the one-child policy, these men grew up pampered princes, and this in turn made them gay.

If I didn't know anything about Chinese culture, I would think Teacher Lee was batshit. Since I do know a little something, I just think she's very traditional - and a tad eccentric.

And I can't dismiss all her Chinese mumbo jumbo: Today she read my palm and told me that while my health was fine my "QI" was "BU GOU!" I write in capitals because she spoke in capitals - it felt like a scolding. That is, my qi is not enough. I don't have enough energy, and if I exercised more, it would be a very good thing, she said.

She also pointed to a bluish spot below my thumb and said I have bad lungs: I had asthma as a kid, I've had pneumonia a few times, and whenever I get a cold I have to fight it with an inhaler so it doesn't become a bronchial infection. So yeah, my lungs are kind of lame.

Futher, I haven't been exercising, and recently I've been really tired. The gym in our building is hot, small and filled with outdated equipment and 1980's-style fitness posters. Plus it's only open select hours. And there isn't an athletic club in Nankan.

I've been mulling the lack of energy/lack of exercise correlation for some time. It's time I get it together and re-start a real gym schedule.

And for that realization, I have to thank Teacher Lee.


Lily said...

You know Jenn and I were just discussing how as kids we were told most nightlife activities were only full of hussies. I'm not even sure why "hussies", but that is the correct translation we immediately agreed upon.

Really, why wouldn't normal people want to party with MC terrible Chinese AND ghetto accent?

Leslie said...

Yeah, anyone who hasn't been to Spark with that DJ hasn't really lived life.

You MUST tell me what the Chinese is for hussy.