Annoying

As a teacher, there are tons of opportunities to harp about how other people raise their kids. Forget the kids who act out, this is what bothers me most:

Wednesday I started a new summer class. We were going around the room doing easy English introductions - nothing difficult - when I came to one ten-year-old girl.

What's your name? I asked.

She stared at me slack-jawed, unable to say anything - clearly petrified and pretending not to understand. It's the kind of behavior that I would find only borderline acceptable from a pre-schooler, let alone a kid pushing her tween years.

Kids aren't just like that, they're allowed to act like that. You know how it goes - you ask a kid a friendly question and they burrow into their parent's side as if you've just asked them to take a ride in the back of your Ted Bundy van.

Inevitably, the parent smiles and says something like, "he's just shy," as if it's no biggie, and maybe sort of cute!

Ugh, it's NOT CUTE. And I think it's such a disservice to the kid for parents to allow it. People (namely, me) are just going to think your kid is stupid and/or lame.

I remember being uncomfortable and majorly not liking it when my parents made me speak up, look people in the eye, and say what I wanted. But now I appreciate it all the more.

No Milk Today

No Milk Today my love has gone away because Chinese people don't like dairy that much.

Meeting No. 2 and Ruprecht

Tomorrow James and I have our second meeting with the movie producer. The whole thing is still very foggy, but we have our hopes!

We've been working on developing an idea for her, and one night we got to talking about good con movies (what we're developing isn't a con movie). This clip is funnier in the context of the movie (Dirty Rotten Scoundrels), but stand alone is still hilarious. In this scene Michael Caine is trying to seduce Diana, and Steve Martin (who is his con artist pupil) is trying to foil Caine by playing his insane younger brother.

How can you not love lines like, "May I take your trident, sir?" and "Now Diana as you were saying, you don't think the poor should be allowed in museums?"

Happy 4th!

James' mom and his uncle who lives in the States are in town, so today we're having a big Chinese dinner as an early celebration of his grandmother's birthday. I looked up the big ex-pat bars online, none have anything special going on tonight. Although, one will be showing some South African soccer match, pttttbbbb.

Two weeks after I first arrived I posted a list of things I missed about America. Now seems like an appropriate time for another. Looking back on that list, I think the things I miss now go deeper. Probably my third or fourth month here was the worst for homesickness. I haven't stopped missing home, but after awhile you just get used to missing it.

Five Things I Miss About American (Month No. 9 Addition)

1. Americans. Be it thoughts on the Phil Spector trial, or what's on HBO, the latest gubernatorial scandal, or college football - there are countless little things that comprise our shared experience, some of them are stupid things I wouldn't think about back home. But living outside my own culture, and not often talking to too many Americans besides James, gives me new appreciate for that.

2. Direct Communication. I got some unexpected bad news at work this week. My bosses' confrontation paralysis prevented them from telling me until the last minute. When I explained they'd really messed me up by not saying something earlier, they offered a bunch of non-sequitor excuses. They aren't stupid people. But admitting they were wrong and saying sorry would've been a loss of face. This is a high power distance culture. It might have been the first time they had an employee call them out. It was a frustrating week, and I can say with certainty I prefer the American method of conflict resolution.

3. My family and friends. A given. That one doesn't get easier.

4. Space. We went to watch The Hangover and my heart ached a little in the scenes where they're driving through the desert between Los Angeles and Vegas. I miss the Oregon Coast. I miss long drives with lots of trees and few people. We've traveled a lot here. But the last time I was in the "country" and away from crowds was November when we went to Jade Mountain. It's a dense island.

5. Homemade baked goods, fresh guacamole, good cheese, barbecue, a decent Caesar salad, and micro brews - especially my favorite beer of all, Wakonda Cream, which is brewed at home in Florence and isn't bottled so you have to go to Oregon to get it. It's worth the trip. That beer is delicious.

Compliments I Never Get in America

In a cab today, all in Chinese:

"Wow! I was just talking to my friend, you are so beautiful! Your skin is SO WHITE!"

(Your skin is SOOOooOOoOOoOoOo WHITE was then repeated several more times, in several different ways, with unwavering enthusiasm)

"Here! Look at this picture of my daughter. She doesn't have your beauty."

"Your daughter is very pretty!"

"No, no no - she doesn't have your beauty. Your skin is so white! And you aren't too tall! Because Taiwan people are shorter, but you aren't too tall! Do you want me to wait for you after I drop you off?"

"No, no need. Thank you."

"But you must be careful ... Taiwan people are 'hen huai.'"

Hen huai is either "very naughty" or "very evil" I can't remember which, maybe both?

"No, no! Taiwan people are very 're xin!'"

re xin = warm-hearted

"Ah yes, Taiwan people are very re xin, but some of them are hen huai. And you must be careful because you are so beautiful."

When I eventually move home and - inevitably - get teased summer after summer about my ghost-like complexion. I will remember conversations like this with fondness.

Teacher Lee, Fountain of Knowledge

Really Teacher Lee should get her own blog, because she just has so much wisdom to impart.

Today one of the Mongolians came in with a gargantuan fake diamond earring. The piercing wasn't new, just none of us noticed before because he'd never worn anything quite so noticeable.

E! This is bu hao (bad)! Do not do this to your body, she warned his cousin.

Teacher Lee explained that it's very bad luck to pierce one's ears, especially for men. Because unnecessary body holes make you ... incomplete?

Then she told a story about her Christian friend who did not believe in fortunetellers. However, the Christian accompanied another friend to a fortuneteller at the friend's request. When they arrive, the fortuneteller told the Christian (even though it wasn't her reading) she was in for it because her ears were pierced.

The Christian wound up in a mental institution.

But, I countered, the majority of American women have pierced ears, and most of them aren't crazy.

"Ah, that is because they don't have bad luck."

...

After Teacher Lee's class Teacher Shen arrived and I noticed her pierced ears. I told her she must have bad luck, and then related Teacher Lee's position.

"No! That is why I have four holes!" Teacher Shen countered. She was only wearing one pair of earring, but she took one out and stuck it in the other ear to prove the number of holes in her ears.

She then explained that when she was young she and a friend pierced their ears. Then she went home and her mom noticed the earrings. "Do you want to be a girl in your next life?" Mom asked. "NO!" Teacher Shen said. "I want to be a boy!"

Somehow the logic followed that she then had to go get another piercing.

Air Raid Asshole

I was walking to the subway by myself, thinking about work. I approached the giant roundabout before the station and a police officer motioned for me to come sit under an awning where a couple raggedy-looking men were already seated.

Why? I asked in Chinese, thinking he thought I did something wrong. Jaywalking? But I had the green when I crossed the road. He answered with something I didn't understand. Whatever it was, it sounded more like a suggestion. Why? I repeated, a bit indignant this time. Again I didn't understand his reply. So I shrugged and kept walking, wondering what gave cops the idea they could ask anyone to sit down in the middle of the day.

Halfway across the street I realized there wasn't a single car moving in the normally busy roundabout. Everything was eerily quiet. The subway wasn't running. In fact, the entrance was partially closed. And there was a cop on every corner, surrounded by people waiting patiently in the shade.

Whoops.

So I asked another cop on the next street what was up. He gave me a three-syllable answer. I told him I didn't understand the word. Then he said "feiji" (airplane) and made a downward dive motion with his hand and then an explosion motion.

"ZHENDE MA?!" I cried, horrified, thinking there was some kind of jumbo jet crash in the city.

Then I thought he said no one could go anywhere for two hours.

"BUT I HAVE TO GO TO WORK IN NANKAN AT FOUR! HOW WILL I GET THERE?" I asked in Chinese.

"No, no. Not in two hours. At 2 o'clock." He corrected me. It was 1:54 p.m.

I retreated into the shade with everyone else. Minutes later a lone ambulance blew through the roundabout. Besides that, it was the quietest I've ever heard Taipei.

At 2 p.m. a giant horn sounded and we were allowed to cross the street. When I got on the subway, I started having doubts that I correctly understood the officer. No one was talking about what just happened. Everyone was acting very normal.

At home, I checked the news. No plane crashes that I could tell.

When James got off work he told me it was an air raid drill. They have them yearly here (can't forget, I live in contested territory). No vehicles are allowed to drive for thirty minutes. People in drill zones must turn their lights off and not use electric appliances. Pedestrians, like me, are supposed to stay out of the street and take cover.

So now I feel like a jerk. Moreover, James' coworkers said you can be fined heavily for non-compliance.

Oopsies.

Guess my Chinese isn't there quite yet